Rants Box

Concepts | Rants | Reflections

helpless April 30, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — abbyyabby @ 9:42 pm

People should grow up and help themselves. They should. For most point I have been doing just that and been quite good at doing so. But people have their own weakness and at some point they will need help. Help is something I would be grateful to have right now but unfortunately it’s nowhere in sight.

Being a mesomorph means I should always look out on not eating too much and moving more. But it has been tough working hard to finish my degree. Moving forward to graduation means dealing with a lot of deadlines and sleepless nights. By the end of the day, I would just want to stuff myself with food and go to sleep. Now, my feet and legs get strained easily from walking and moving around. Most of my clothes won’t fit anymore. Flabs are all over my body. I’m haunted by that outrageous mark I got on the weighing scale two weeks ago. It’s devastating to just realize how stuffed I have myself become for months now.

Two years after going back to school, I’m 5 kilos shy of my weight during high school (which was by far my heaviest). I have tried many things to get back in shape but nothing has worked and it is easy to just slip back on a couch.

Working with tutees for hours is easier than pushing myself to move. It’s boring to walk alone. It’s hard to cut back on food intake. Working with students for hours is easier than disciplining myself into managing my weight.

Somehow I wish David lived just next door and would come knock at our door at 9pm to say “C’mon Abby! Let’s go!”

I wish I could jog for hours again. I know I could. But I need a LOT of help.

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Standing On the Edge April 1, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — abbyyabby @ 1:06 pm

I’m on the edge. Really I am.

 

Soon Everything Will Be Over March 5, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — abbyyabby @ 5:09 pm

It is a momentous time for every girl to be the beloved. Girls get pursued and soon, they commit themselves to their lovers. Soon too, their lovers leave them out to get back to their busy schedules. Then girls pursue their men. Because they don’t feel loved as they should be, they pursue their men to be loved again. They find time to fit themselves into their men’s busy lives to feel loved again. Their men are happy because their “beloveds” do their caring for themselves.

I was once a beloved. I was once pursued. Today I pursue. Today I battle hard to fit myself  into his busy life. It’s sick. And it gets even sicker when I think about this. Soon I will get fed up with all this chase. Soon everything will be over.

 

Why a Pastor’s Wife? March 4, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — abbyyabby @ 11:07 pm
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When I was little, I wanted to be the perfect wife for my husband. I wanted to be a prized wife and a source of pride for my better-half. That my husband and I would work together on a common goal, was my ideal picture of a married life. My husband and I would achieve great feats together, go through adventures together, learn and grow old together.  This picture was enough to excite me to get married.

Then, I grew up and learned that each person has a career path in life which makes him satisfied. Today,  couples pursue different individual career paths in life. This however, means that I would have to live a totally different life detached from my husband (if I would opt for this ideal). This too is ideal. But I don’t want it.

I want to talk, plan, work, go on adventures, learn, and grow old with my husband. The only occupation  for a husband that would need my full assistance (at least apparently these days) is that of a pastor. I would need to be a pastor’s wife to play my “ideal wife’s” role. But I have seen how pastors live. Theirs is a very hard life of selfless serving. It’s not that ideal all along…

But  I still want to talk, plan, work, go on adventures, learn, and grow old with my husband. I still want to be the best wife he would ever have.


Abigail

 

blue January 25, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — abbyyabby @ 2:20 pm
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I have never been so jaded and blue in my entire life as now. I’m so blue it saps everything beautiful around making almost everything gray. The air is too dense to breath if not stifling. To do’s never run out but even seem to pile up and up – looming over me making sleeping a chore. I finish one, I get three more things to do.  Hours sprint fast I could not seem to catch up with reality. Sunny pictures in the past are my only reason to smile – my source of air in this gray place. But they too are fast receding robbing me of my air. Love doesn’t help at all. I can’t seem to feel anymore. In this cold cold place, I am all alone.

 

while you were away January 15, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — abbyyabby @ 8:19 pm

I was supposed to write something to you every day of the week but as I write these words I find myself lost for words and the inspiration to write starts to fizzle away. tssssssss…. gone.

 

To you. To you. December 18, 2009

Filed under: letters — abbyyabby @ 12:15 am
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